Even Breathing Feels Alright
by JolinarJackson
Summary: It's Tosh's first evening away from UNIT prison and her new boss decides to pay her a visit.


**Even Breathing Feels Alright**

_Word Count: _~1.600

_Summary: _It's Tosh's first evening away from UNIT prison and her new boss decides to pay her a visit.

_Characters: _Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness

_Pairing: _Jack/Tosh

_Rating: _PG-13

_Spoiler: Fragments_

_Setting: _pre-series

_Warnings: _Language

_Author's Note: _Written for the redisourcolor challenge _#19 - Celebration_. Using the words _portmanteau, dense_ and _ravel_ and the phrase _"I'm so hungry I could eat an elephant!"_. I had given up on writing something for this challenge. I started two different stories and didn't finish them. Then the extension came along and I had this idea. The title's from Alexi Murdoch's _All Of My Days_, one of my very favourite songs of all times.

_Disclaimer: _I'm not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show _Torchwood _and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

XXX

The flat – _her_ flat, Toshiko corrected herself mentally – came fully furnished with a lot of windows and a big, airy kitchen. The shelves in the living room were empty and it lacked the feel of someone actually living in it, yet, but she was sure that, given some time, she would be able to remedy that and make the place her own.

She stood at the kitchen counter and looked out the window. It was dark outside, already night, and her flat seemed like an isle of brightness in an ocean of soft orange city lights. She stared at the reflection of herself – the tired face, the scared eyes – and tried to find a smile. Maybe it just hadn't really sunk in, yet, that she was free. Not officially free, of course, but Captain Harkness – _"call me Jack"_ – had made it clear that he wouldn't treat her like a prisoner. He'd explained everything on their way from UNIT to Cardiff. She would work for him, have her own flat and the possibility to go on vacation, provided the Rift didn't act up, which, unfortunately, it did a lot. Tosh didn't care about vacation, though. Where should she go? She wasn't allowed to see her mother (_"UNIT would get suspicious. I told them that I'd take over custody, but they were insistent that you remain a prisoner. You can write her letters, though."_) and there was no one else she wanted to visit at the moment. No, the real freedom, to her, was the opportunity to work, to busy her mind that had got a bit dense during her imprisonment.

A knock on the door startled her. She opened hesitantly.

Jack grinned at her, holding up a bottle of wine. "I stocked up your fridge, but it just came to me that I forgot alcohol and you have something to celebrate after all," he explained and entered without waiting for her permission.

Tosh closed her eyes when she caught his scent – something unidentifiable and spicy – and closed the door. When she entered her kitchen, Jack was already opening the bottle. "So," he asked, "how do you like the flat?"

She crossed her arms. "It's beautiful. It's too much, really."

"Don't worry about that. It's not a gift, you know. All I did was sign the papers. You can afford the rent, I made sure of that, and it's near the Hub." He got two glasses from the cupboard – _her_ cupboard – and poured the wine. With a broad grin, he handed her one glass and held up his own. "To freedom, genius and beauty," he said and they clinked glasses. Tosh took a long sip to hide her blush. Something about Jack Harkness was so attractive, turning his flirty comments and innuendos into heavy promises. It wasn't his looks, even though he was an extraordinarily handsome man. It was the way he projected security, comfort and confidence and she'd always felt drawn to these things. She was a bit scared that she was falling for him and that was something she just couldn't do. He was her boss and he wasn't interested. Who would be? She was a mess.

Jack leaned against the counter, one of his arms resting on the surface, mirroring hers. His fingers tangled with hers, causing goose bumps up her arm because of the contrast: his warm hand and the cool top of the counter. She watched his fingers play with hers. It seemed like such an innocent gesture, tender and comforting. Tosh avoided his eyes, feeling embarrassed. She had never been good with physical contact.

"Alright," Jack said, tapping her back of the hand. "Tomorrow, I'll introduce you to Owen and Suzie and you can start working. I want you strictly confined to the Hub, no field missions, until I made sure that you had some proper training. Ever fired a gun before?"

She shook her head.

"Do you know how to fight?"

Again, she shook her head, feeling intimidated and small. It was becoming clear that she was no use to them other than sitting at her desk. What if she couldn't provide the technical knowledge Jack seemed to want from her? Would he just bring her back to UNIT? He was polite now but she had no doubt that he could be a very dangerous man.

A large, warm hand cupped her cheek and tilted her head up to look into friendly, blue eyes. "You're just what I was looking for, Toshiko. Don't doubt yourself."

She couldn't help herself; a soft sob escaped her throat, a broken, ugly sound in this perfect, beautiful – _**her**_ – kitchen. More sobs followed, then tears and before she knew what had happened, she found herself wrapped up in strong arms, her cheek pressed against the wool of Jack's coat. She slid one hand beneath the coat, looking for something to hold on to, and found braces. She curled her hand around one of them, pulling Jack closer, anchoring herself to his warmth and strength. A voice in the back of her head insisted that she was making a fool of herself, but she couldn't stop. She was so relieved to finally be free, so scared to fail, so happy to be able to feel again … her emotions had been ravelled up and locked away during her imprisonment, she'd been so numb because she wouldn't have been able to cope otherwise. These emotions now overwhelmed her.

Fingers tangled in her hair, threading through the strands slowly, soothingly, and she could hear Jack hum softly, a melody she didn't know. His scent was clearer now, an intoxicating mix of spices, wood, leather and something sweet.

Jack bent his knees and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and, impulsively, Toshiko turned her head and captured his lips. His hand settled on the small of her back, pulling her closer. He returned the kiss carefully until Tosh pulled away, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from."

"I don't mind," he answered. He nuzzled her cheek and added, "In fact, if you want to, we could ..."

Tosh let go of him and stepped out of his reach, laughing in embarrassment. "Is that part of the contract? Pity shags?"

"No one said anything about a pity shag," Jack answered. He sounded almost offended. "You're a beautiful, desirable woman. I'd be honoured."

"Well, it stays a pity shag," Tosh answered and wiped the last tears way. "I turn to the first guy who shows something like kindness. What kind of woman does that make me?" She sipped her wine, avoiding Jack's too-clever eyes.

Jack was silent for a long time, then he said, strangely hesitant, "I'm sorry if I misunderstood. Sometimes, I get confused … I forgot myself."

Tosh glanced at him and gifted him with a smile. "Don't worry. You're a gentleman."

He seemed relieved, but still a bit unsure. "What do regular bosses do in a situation like this?"

She laughed. "Sit down and learn the handbook about sexual harassment by heart?" she suggested.

"_You_ assaulted _me_," Jack answered, his eyes shining happily, enjoying the banter. "Besides, I forgot where I put that handbook. Maybe I filed it away under _Q_."

"_Q_?" Tosh asked.

"_Quaint_," he explained. "You people ..." He seemed to stop himself and then he just shook his head, his smile dimming. "I know what you're going through. The starting anew," he said earnestly. "I came here with nothing but the clothes I wore and … I lived out of a portmanteau for years. I want you to know that you can call me any time, Toshiko. Just to talk … or maybe for a snog." He winked and Tosh giggled, this time not bothering to hide her blush. She trusted this man. Something about him was just right. Not perfect, something lingered in his eyes that was dark and sad, but he was a good man.

She nodded. "Thank you."

He drained his glass. "Well, I guess this is it. I should leave you alone. It's late."

"I'm not sleepy, actually," Tosh said, wishing he would stay. She needed some company but she was too afraid to ask.

"I know the feeling," he answered with a sigh.

"In fact," Tosh said, "I'm hungry."

He smiled. "I know a very good pizza place just around the corner. They deliver 24/7."

"Sounds heavenly."

"Should I ..." He seemed insecure for a moment – a strange look on someone like him – and put his hands on his hips. "Should I order in?"

He was obviously trying not to pressure her, to give her some space. She appreciated the effort, but she really didn't want to be alone. Nevertheless, she also knew that he was a busy man. "I understand if you would want to leave. You must have work to do," she said.

"No," he answered. "Nothing urgent. Plus, I didn't have anything to eat since lunch. I'm so hungry I could eat an elephant right about now."

"Me, too," Tosh answered with a relieved smile. She poured more wine for Jack. "Let's celebrate some more," she suggested, gaining confidence. It was easy with him looking at her like that, as if he was proud of her.

Jack raised his glass. "Toshiko Sato, I like you already."

END

07/11


End file.
